Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Your cock deserves a montage
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
