so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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