There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
