She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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