i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
