I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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