YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize