My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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