i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
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The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
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I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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