when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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