I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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