He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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