you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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