who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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