Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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