he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
