Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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