and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
