i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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