I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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