i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
