It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
