Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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