YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
