fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
