I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
are you so shy because you have an std?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
