some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
