did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I accidentally burped into my bong.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
