Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
