This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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