Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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