We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
