remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
