im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
