ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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