Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
