she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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