Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Less talking, more tequila
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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