So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
