yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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