I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
