Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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