u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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