I wish I could teleport
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
