theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
