They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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