oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
