Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
