their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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