Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
