oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
