Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
