You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
