she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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