One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
