Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
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Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
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We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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