Just fell off a train. Bad.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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