taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
