Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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