the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Let's get the cat blown out
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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