I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
