3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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