the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
