What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
