dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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