Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
