sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
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