I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
