we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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