Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
God, I missed his penis.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
