Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dear god my vagina.
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