I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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