I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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